silence

Restless

I wander through floors and corridors
Through levels of memories in time
All in search of what seems so fleeting
But that exists only in the act of exercising stillness
Peace.
My mind pulses through things that must be remembered
To-do’s, what-ifs, and grocery lists
Calculating bank accounts
Scripting conversations
Contemplating matters of the heart
Budgeting my life’s priorities
I find myself on tangents of tangents
Walking and running to and from
Thinking of the unthinkable
Forgetting my hope to arrive at quietness
I breathe and think about my breathing
I close my eyes
And open them looking to the corners of my bedroom walls for answers
Wandering what my son will choose to be when he grows up
Debating whether I want to give in to love
Or whether I can
I recollect the days when simpler things that I thought were the ends of the world filled my mind and consumed me
And how, now, life is more
In circles and cycles I progress and digress
I practice moments passed that I have rewritten in my mind
I rehearse being the woman I wish I was years ago
But that since then I have been and grown out of
I consider the cavernous track I have been on for hours now
And forget what I was trying to find in the first place
Maybe I will tire myself enough to achieve stillness
To find quietness
Peace

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