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Inconvenience (written in 2007)

03/15/12 note:  you know how you forget that you had a huge crush on a person, but you don’t really forget, you just wanna forget.  then one day (today) you are thinking of him and you come across an old poem that you wrote.  yeah. that.

here starts the journal entry

(i feel so 13, but hey, grown women can have crushes, can’t they?)

if i could whisper, would i whisper
nothings in your ear
at the risk of being crystal clear
would i reveal, could i reveal
or hide behind my cowardice
remaining occupied by life
keeping myself unready
for the sake of staying steady
and in line.
would i reveal, could i reveal
and not stay stuck in fear
with only the insight of my mind’s imaginations
staving off true satisfactions
with day dreams and “quiet storm” songs
if i could whisper, would i whisper
nothings in your ear
and with my eyes smile
and with my smile blow kisses
and with my kisses rescue you
from the things that try to hold you down
BUT let me not get that deep…
could i reveal, should i reveal that
i just think you’re beautiful
all together critical
that i keep my distance
allowing no witness
of this grown woman
desiring what she does not want
wanting what life will not allow
not even seeking to figure it out
just praying it goes away
just hoping it runs its course
and i will stay on track with mine.
if i could whisper, would i whisper
nothings in your ear
and will you see the divine in me
the sunshine in me
the things that blow your mind in me
and with your eyes smile
and with your smile blow kisses
and with your kisses rescue me
from what tries to hold me down
admittedly be all about me
there i ago again getting deep…

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