Short: Ventilation: Angry

there are some things that some people can’t possibly understand, yet they comment with such passion and conviction.  some people have the privilege of being oblivious to the lives of others, yet they laugh and make light of those lives that they don’t have to live.  without remorse, people call into question the painful reality of others.  a reality that they will never have to endure.   

maybe it’s easy for me to say that things are the way they are because of the life that i have lived and the things that i have seen.  despite what you think, it might not be that i’m paranoid or that i just need something to be angry about.  it might just be that i have plenty to be angry about.  i could be angry about this fear sitting in my gut when i think about the future of my son.  i could be angry because i know that no matter how much he stays “in line” it’s likely that you will find some way to slight him.   i could be angry because this child who you can call beautiful and cute and sweet will one day be a bit bigger and older, and, as sweet and beautiful as he will still be to me, you will decide that he looks to be your enemy.  you will decide that he is some kind of criminal or potential criminal or someone who could possibly in the recesses of his mind be thinking about doing criminal things.  i could be angry because as easy as it is for me to love him, it will be just as easy for you to cast him down.  paranoid?  no.  more like cautious.  and, for that, i’m pissed.  you with your privilege who has no stereotype against you that gives another person a means to rationalize hurting you.  no stereotype that gets you followed or pulled over when you are breaking no law.   no stereotype automatically makes you a criminal when criminal acts are committed against you.  so while i bring my son up to be upstanding and to represent a level of character and decorum that this society is lacking…while i prepare my heart for the day that he will go out into the world…while i make rules for him to live by that he will take as my not trusting him or believing in him, but that will be for his own safety and protection…while i do my best to do everything the “right way” only to look at mothers and fathers who did everything the “right way” but whose hearts are wrenched with pain, don’t tell me that i have no right to be angry.

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